breaking out of my chelle: i'm not a blogger

i'm not a blogger

i have to admit it. shit. im not, im just not.

although crazily enough, when im not blogging there are so many things i want to write about. it could be an opinion or a thought or a picture or a significant event, i even phrase it in my mind already.

oh shit.

@--,--'--

then i realize. the whole point is to break out of my shell. look at myself from out of the box and think and act from there. change. change is the key. its not blogging im not good at,

its the sharing part.

its the rules.

and who says i have to follow them every time. and people who follow them every time, they are not too bad too, its their stroke.

i have mine.

@--,--;--

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Posted in: about me, random thoughts, saturday thoughts, why i'm not a blogger on Friday, October 12, 2007 at at 7:24 PM

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home of my heart

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...i'm sitting under this tree, it's very early in the morning, everything is wet with dew. everything looks shiny and twinkling as the first rays of the sun touches every gem drop of water. and the smelll is amazing, the sweet grass smell.. it's a secret scent, only those of us who've waken up around it will know it.

there is no one around for miles, not one single person in sight.. just me and the flowers and the trees and the hills and the grass. and it is simply amazing. i'm home.

it's still quite cold, i pull my jacket around me tighter, but the rays of the sun are comforting, like a hug that is coming from everywhere and emanating from my heart, warm and full of emotion, like a long lost friend, who has been gone for a long time (or was it me who has been gone a long time) and suddenly there they are. a hug from the sun.

i pick a spot, a quiet inviting spot.. a spot destined to be mine, readied over years and years by rain and sunshine, just for me, just for today. and i'm content.

when im lonely im here. when i pray, im here. when im alone im here. when i think and dream and wish and make up stories in my mind, im here. always here. in this place all mine.

i don't remember when i first came here. it may be one very lonely day years ago, when i couldn't leave and i couldn't stay at the same time but i just had to be somewhere else. somewhere far and i could be alone.

there are days when i don't come here too.. i forget sometimes and reality takes a hold of me. but i always always remember and i return.

in here i could be me, or be someone else, or search for myself, or search for someone else. i could stay here and no one will notice, but that's fine. i don't mind solitude. it's loneliness i fear. and it's never lonely here.

every leaf proclaims joy and you can't help but feel it. every blade of grass lifts its arms in happiness, every dew drop a smile, every flower a prayer of thanksgiving, and the wind is contentment.. and all these reaches out to me, and i feel it too.

just as the dew drops fall to the earth, i run. i'm free. uphill, downhill, chasing butterflies, dancing to the music of my heart, my soul singing, and i'm smiling.

but sometimes, i come here to cry. i come here to lay my head on the earth and cry my heart out. countless times when all seems lost and no one is around and nothing is right, i come here and cry and pray...

one day i will bring my children here, for only a child will see it as i see it, and we will run and chase butterflies and dance to the wind and sing with our souls.

but for now, this is my spot.

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breaking out of my chelle

i'm not a blogger

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